Suzy (수지) – When It’s Good (좋을땐) Song

Ok first I want to clarify, I don't want to post the song lyrics, because you can just Google it and it is everywhere. But here I want to share what I feel about this song.

Suzy is one of my favorite K-Idol. She is incredibly pretty (without any plastic surgery I would say, haters gonna hate XD) and we are about on the same age, so... I wonder how hard she works to get on where ever she is now. She must be so tough and strong-willed girl. And recently I watched her latest Drama: 함부로 애틋하게 (Uncontrollably Fond) with Kim Woobin. And this song is one of the OST of that drama. Here's the meaning of the song. (p.s I don't translate it, someone did it for me. I got it from here).

When it’s good, I could only see pretty eyes
Sometimes, I couldn’t even see your eyes
The scent that you burned is so close
When it’s good....
But suddenly
That scent started getting farther away
You only showed me your side
I could only see your eyes reflected on the window...
Even when you came back
When your eyes shone on me again
It wasn’t like before
It was different from before
But I knew that better than anyone else...
Love,
When you’re busy in love alone
Then I should leave
I knew about your heart
Because it’s been long since it went a different direction...
If you come back
If you come back to me
Even if it’s not like before
Even if it’s different, I don’t care
Please come back...
Honestly, I’ve never been in love
I want to believe that
But I can’t believe it
But I can’t believe it
If you come back
If you come back to me
Even if it’s not like before
Even if it’s different, I don’t care
Please come back

 Ever since I heard and read the meaning of this song I love it, even when I'm not watched the drama yet. I was thinking a same thing with this song. I was thinking, maybe.. just maybe... if my father is not dead yet, and he comes back home. Would he be the same as before? Could we have a same condition as before?

Maybe some things will be getting worse or maybe they won't. But I asked my heart, do you really want him back? And the answer is yes.

I really really want to see him again. I don't care if he is different than before. I don't care. Please come back to see me even only on my dreams. 제발 돌아와.

Just like this song...

If you come back
If you come back to me
Even if it’s not like before
Even if it’s different, I don’t care
Please come back

 

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Apa Kakak Harus Selalu Mengalah?

Mengapa harus aku yang mengalah?
Tak pernahkah kau berpikir,
Sedikit tentang hatiku?

Today's random thoughts theme song. Menurut kalian, kakak harus selalu ngalah nggak sih guys? Karena selama gue hidup, gue selalu diajarkan untuk mengalah ke adik-adik gue. A little note buat kalian yang belum tau, I have 1 (not so) little brother and 1 (not so) little sister.

Tapi semakin gede ini, gue bukannya makin ngerasa mengalah adalah cara yang tepat. Apa lagi untuk masalah-masalah antar saudara di rumah (psikolog nyebutnya Sibling Rivalry).

Keresahan gue ini makin parah ketika gue sengaja denger nyokap ngbrol sama tante gue di depan rumah (gue barusan pulang dari kampus nih, naik motor). This was their conversation that time:

Kata tante gue "Aduh kasihan, Tata (my childhood name). Kemana kemana harus naik motor, panas kepanasan, hujan kehujanan."

Gue cuman senyum aja. Gue mah legowo kalo kata orang Jawa. Adanya motor ya udah naik motor. Mau naik mobil? Kerja dulu beli mobil. Jangan cuman minta-minta orang tua. Itu perinsip gue. Terus tante lanjut ngomong lagi nih, katanya "Aku jadi inget Kiki (anaknya yang paling gede), dia kemana-mana juga naik motor. Kalo tante suruh naik mobil nggak mau. Katanya nggak usah mau pergi deket doang, sebentar doang."

Gue nggak tanggepin tuh omongan si tante. Gue selesai markir motor, terus nyokap gue jawab "Ya begitu itu cik (panggilan ke kaka perempuan, and yes I'm Chinese btw), anak pertama tuh ya memang begitu... memang selalu dikalahkan." Dalem pikiran gue nih: Iya betul itu. Anak pertama tuh emang legowo, nggak neko-neko.... Eh wait, what the heck?!

Sejak itu keresahan gue bertambah satu lagi. Dari yg awalnya cuman ada satu poin:
Q1. Apa kakak harus selalu mengalah?

Tambah lagi satu poin:
Q2. Apa orang tua gue (khususnya nyokap) sengaja mengalahkan kebutuhan/kepentingan gue sebagai anak pertama?

I've done a research about Q1. I read some psychology books and turn out: Kakak nggak harus selalu mengalah (menurut Christine Wibhowo, S.Psi., M.Si, staf pengajar Fakultas Psikologi UNIKA Soegijapranata, penulis buku parenting, pembicara seminar tentang pernikahan dan parenting serta pengisi acara BUNDA di Rhema Radio; juga menurut J. I. C. M. Drost SJ di bukunya Perilaku Anak Usia Dini: Kasus dan Pemecahannya tahun 2003).

Coba kalau jaman dulu, akses ke ilmu pengetahuan semudah ini. Mungkin sekarang orang tua sudah pada pinter-pinter parenting nya. Mungkin nyokap gue nggak sekolot ini mendidik gue dan adik-adik gue. She used the easiest way to solve problems: forget it.

For me, it's not solving. It's stacking it up on the deepest corner of our pure heart (as a child, our heart is pure like a white paper). And sometime, somehow it would collapse dan semua luka lama yang nggak terselesaikan terbuka kembali. Meanwhile beberapa psikologi setuju bahwa masalah sekecil apapun itu harus diselesaikan secara tuntas di dalam sebuah hubungan apalagi hubungan keluarga.

For Q2, jujur sejak adik gue lahir ke dunia (umur gue 6th waktu itu), gue merasa sejak detik itu, gue udah nggak pernah diberi perhatian lagi. They just give me food, and clothes, and house. And I have to deal all my problems alone since then.

Hey, I was teenagers to be. My life is totally suck back then, plus I have no parent to even there to just talk to me. Imagine how hard my life was for 10 years old girl, trying to fit in. Too old to be kid, but too young to be teen?

Not to mention the school tasks thingie. I HAVE TO DO THAT ALONE. I mean totally alone. Beli alat bahan sendiri, bikin sendiri, ide sendiri (we don't have Internet back then, so google don't help much).

Lah sekarang adik-adik gue, boro-boro beli alat bahan sendiri, cari ide sendiri aja sering nggak mampu (And now Google is there to help, thank Google). Gue selalu bantuin. Don't get me wrong. Bukanya gue nggak mau ya, gue mau. Gue nggak mau mereka berjuang sendiri kaya gue. (Gue sampe stress sekolah waktu itu, selalu mules-mules dan sering pusing padahal nggak sakit sama sekali. Belakangan setelah baca-baca buku psikologi buat skripsi, gue baru tau, itu gejala stress anak)

Dan gue inget banget, tiap kali ada orang yang bilang: "pinter ya cicik sudah bisa semua sendiri, mandiri banget." Terus tanya ke nyokap, "Cicik sudah nggak sering rewel cari perhatian ma?"

You know what my mom said? She said "No, she had plenty attention these 6 years, and now her brother need it more."

Fck, she said I had plenty attention. Hey, I read psychology books and even adult needs attention from other. Meski nggak se intens sewaktu balita. That's why we make friends and partnership. We interact with others. Lah gue pas umur 6-12 tahun, mau dapet perhatian dari siapa? Sahabat? Anak SD men, sahabatan paling apa sih. Sekedar ngobrol bareng pas jam istirahat. Belum punya HP belum bisa dapet jaringan Internet. Pacar? Gila apa anak bau kencur pacaran.

Ok this leads to another topics. Another thoughts related to this: mungkin gue sempet jadi cewe player (I was totally jerk back then, I will tell you later) karena gue cari perhatian sebanyak banyaknya. Perhatian yang nggak pernah gue dapet dari orang tua gue. Remind me to talk about this in another post.

Balik lagi ke topik awal. Menurut kalian, nyokap gue sengaja nggak sih ngalahin gue?

My night thoughts going wild. I'm thinking about BBS (Baby Blouse Syndrome). Just read it recently on my Facebook timeline. One of my friend shared a post of a woman, she said se had BBS and almost kill her baby. I want to talk much about this topic but maybe on another post...

And I just remembered, nyokap pernah hampir bunuh gue pas gue bayi. Hampir. Gue mau dibanting ke lantai waktu itu. Gue diceritain nyokap sendiri. Shit, I'm getting goosebumps! Don't you think... for a moment... maybe... just maybe... nyokap gue sebenernya nggak mengharapkan kelahiran gue? Dan sedangkan adik gue yang pertama, ditunggu tunggu. Nyokap memang sudah berencana punya anak lagi, dan jadilah adik gue. Sedangkan gue itu anak hasil malam pertama nyokap-bokap setelah merid. Mereka nggak nyangka sama sekali gue bakal hadir secepet itu...

And mungkin, mungkin aja, BBS itu kebawa sampe sekarang. Mempengaruhi keputusannya yang jarang sekal adil buat gue dan adik-adik gue. Dan yang pasti gue yang harus selalu ngalah.

This getting worse.. I need to stop thinking now. The devil inside me enjoying this, and I have to stop. Gotta hibernate my brain for some sleep. Hope getting a good dream tonight. Goodnight XOXO

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A Man that I don't Know

I dreamed about you last night.

It started with on a beach. Gue lagi main-main di pantai wearing... emmm... bikini. Tapi bukan pantai yang berpasir putih.. Di pinggir laut, los los kios pasar ikan (mungkin) langsung disambung dengan dek-dek kayu basah lapuk yang menjorok ke laut...

Gue lagi main di pinggir dek, sambil buangin baju dalem gue. Err... ini emang aneh banet guys, gue di pinggir pasar ikan, pake bikini, dan buangin baju dalem gue (bra). Disana banyak orang. Tp nggak ada seorangpun yang gue kenal, mereka juga kaya nggak merhatiin gue juga.

Setelah selesai buang semua bra gue, tiba-tiba muncul dari dalem pasar, seseorang bapak-bapak yang sepertinya gue kenal cuman gue nggak inget siapa. Yang pasti gue kenal sama doi. He smiled and weaved his hand towards me. Dibelakangnya, muncul 2 orang lagi yg familiar. 2 orang inu gue tau: tante dan om gue.

Mereka bertiga nyamperin gue dan ngajak gue buat balik ke rumah, semua orang ternyata udah nyari gue kemana-mana. Tapi gue nolak guys. Entah kenapa rasanya gue belum pingin balik. Gue jalan ke tengah laut, sambil lihatin matahari tenggelam. Mereka bertiga diskusi agak jauh, suara ombak bikin suara mereka nggak kedengeran.

Setelah beberapa saat, gue lihat bra bra gue ngapung-ngapung di air laut di sekitar kaki-kaki penyangga dek. Tiba-tiba gue sadar kenapa gue buangin bra gue, akhirnya gue ambilin lagi satu-satu pake ranting kayu yg entah gue dapet dari mana.

Sambil berusaha ambil semua bra gue sebelum hanyut makin jauh, tante gue nyamperin gue yg lagi. Akhirnya dia bilang gue boleh pulang nanti, tapi besok pagi gue harus sudah ada di rumah, tante dan om gue nggak bisa nemenin gue lebih lama lagi, mereka harus balik sekarang. Tapi gue bakal di temenin bapak yang satu lagi. Yang gue harusnya kenal tapi gue lupa siapa.

Terus latar berubah..

Gue ada di kamar dirumah gue guys dan gue tau ini udah hampir pagi. Gue ngerasa ada orang di sebelah gue, cowok. Oke ini memang kedengeran kaya mimpi ngeres, tapi trust me it isn't. Just keep reading...

Posisinya gue tidur di pinggir ranjang, ngadep jalan. Si bapak ini tidur di belakang gue dan entah kenapa gue tau doi ngadep arah yg sama kaya gue. Gue cari tangannya gue tarik biar dia tidur lebih deket ke gue. I feel I want to be in his side a little longer. I know dawn is coming and he need to go in minutes... and somehow I don't want to that happened.

Doi ngerespon. And sepertinya doi nggak tidur. Dia geser posisinya makin dekat ke arah gue. Doi peluk gue dari belakang, he's not really talking but I know what he meant. He said inside my mind: "okay okay, I will stay a little longer. Back to sleep again, darling."

Terus gue ketiduran lagi...

Pas bangun gue juga beneran bangun, gue nangis. Setelah itu gue baru sadar bapak-bapak tadi itu bokap gue. He passed away like 6 years ago... was he visited me last night? I wish.. I really wish... I miss him sooo much.

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Love is Like Finding the Matching Puzzle Piece. Pfff B.S. True Love can Decay Too I Suppose!

Puzzle piece....
Oke post gue jadi cinta-cintaan begini. Okelah gapapa deh. Jadi gue mau share cerita cinta 6tahun gue. Remember the guy I talked about last time? I've been with him for almost 6 years. And we're engaged now. So he is my fiance. I met him when I was 15 and we're together after since. Well so this is the story.

He was my best friend' ex. Boom!
And our friendship is doomed. Tapi gue bukan PHO. Mereka putus udah lama. Sekitar satu tahun, dan sohib gue udah punya cowo baru. Baru setelah itu gue deket sama tunangan gue ini (anggap namanya si Koko). Tapi tetep aja, dia berubah setelah tau gue deket sama mantannya.

Oke oke. Dia yang ngenalin gue ke si Koko ini. Gue udah temenan lama di F*cebook, cuman nggak pernah contact (sampe gue sendiri lupa kalo temenan sama doi). Long story short, pada suatu sore di hari yang indah, gue lagi main di rumah sohib gue ini. Tiba-tiba si Koko telpon sohib gue, doi bilang mau nyamperin ke rumah. Sohib gue panik, takut cowonya salah paham, minta gue jangan buru-buru balik dulu. Okelah gue sih fine fine aja.

Disana gue pertama kalinya ketemu doi. Biasa aja sih. I even barely remember his face. But few days later... ada satu pesan baru nangkring di message F*cebook gue. And it's him. Doi basa basi, dan akhirnya kita tukeran nomor hp dan jadi deket, terus jadian, terus pacaran, terus tunangan, terus... terus..

Kembali ke judul: pas gue mulai jalanin hubungan sama doi, gue mulai berubah. Really. 180 deg changed. It's like finally you found your home. You know whete to go, you know what to do. You know how to love him, and he knows how to love you. We're just fit perfectly. Just like a puzzle piece. That's why I let go my friendship and choose him instead. I just knew that he is the one.

Ok now I sound stupid af 😂 well that's my 15yo mind tho! What are you expecting?

And now 6years latter.... I'm not really sure he is the one. Kita sekarang sama-sama sibuk. Gue sibuk kerja, doi juga. Jarang2 banget waktu berdua. Mau chat aja susah. Paling cm saling kasi kabar sesekali.

Andd.. (ok here we go...) there is another man. He captivated me with his charms. He is so mysterious, I am curious to death. He is not making my heart racing, but curiosity is enough to start a fire. And I am so afraid. I'm playing with fire. I need to stop this, I know... but, what if... only if... we are not engaged yet, can I have both of them?

Enough of the babbling, this is going wild.
Dead readers (if any) please leave a comment and share your thoughts! Or things you wanna know abt me. Very appreciated. Bye!

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Love is Supposed to "Put My Name on the Top of Your List", isn't it?

TODAY THEME SONG

This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

Gue lagi sebel berat hari ini!

Jadi berawal dari gue bikin janji sama temen-temen buat hangout bareng. Kita janjian hari Minggu siang guys. Gue biasanya selalu kemana-mana sendiri, independen. Tapi sekali-kali (karena gue pergi bareng temen-temen tuh jarang banget. Terakhir pergi bareng temen itu sekitar awal Mei 2016) gue pingin berangkat dianterin fiance.

p.s yeah gue 21 tahun dan sudah punya tunangan, Nggak tau apa yg merasuki pikiran gue waktu itu. Maybe I will regret this but maybe not.

Singkat cerita setelah fix waktu dan tempatnya, gue ngabarin doi (tunangan gue, sebut saja si Koko) buat nganterin gue. Sekali kali minta dianter nggak apa-apa kan ya, toh juga hari Minggu ini. Tapi lo tau guys, doi ternyata punya banyak kerjaan hari ini. Well, dia selalu punya banyak kerjaan. "Selalu" means "Setiap hari" termasuk hari Minggu.

Kira-kira begini nih kejadiannya. Doi ke rumah gue pagi-pagi jam 9 rencana mau ke Gereja bareng (ini udah rutinitas Minggu pagi), nah setelah dari gereja dia baru tuh mulai ngurus kerjaan sampe jam 4 atau 5 sore.

Gue: "Ko, nanti anter aku ke D'*LLEY ya, udah janjian sama temen-temen nih mau nongkrong."

Koko: "Jam berapa?"

Gue: "Selesai gereja sih, Rencananya jam 12 dari rumah."

(FYI, biasanya kebaktian gereja selesai sekitar jam 11, dan biasanya gue pergi makan dulu setelah itu, jadi biasanya gue nyampe rumah emang sekitar jam 12)

Koko: "Lah, terus?"

Gue: "Ya ntar pulang dulu, terus baru berangkat lagi sekalian kamu pulang aku nebeng."

Koko: "Terus nanti aku anterin kamu dulu gitu, baru nge-pack?"

(FYI, ngepack itu istilah dia buat packing orderan sebelum dikirim)

Gue: "Iya kan sekalian kamu jalan pulang, deket kok tempatnya dari rumah kamu."

Koko: "Ya nggak bisa lah sayang, nanti aku anterim kamu dulu sampe jam 12.30 setelah itu aku pulang baru bisa mulai kerja jam 13.00."

(Gue mulai panas nih, emang segitu masalahnya ya telat mulai ngepack 30menit? Jadi dia lebih milih kerjaan daripada gue? Gue cuman jarang-jarang aja keleus minta anter.)

Gue: "Ya udah nggak jadi, bisa berangkat sendiri kok."

Daaann, begitulah. Kita berantem sampe sekarang. Masalah sepele sih, tapi for me love is tend to put your spouse at the top of our list. Kalo elo jadi gue, lo juga merasa kalo dia itu nyebelin banget nggak sih guys?

And you know, he didn't even say Sorry!

Katanya dia sudah berusaha bagi waktu antara kerja dan waktu buat gue, dan dia punya alasan kenapa nggak mau mulai kerja terlambat di hari Minggu. He said he did it because: nggak enak hati sama temen yang selalu mulai duluan dan dia selalu mulai paling akhir.

Whaaaatt???

Speechless, I can't believe it. Dia ngorbanin gue demi temennya. What a fvck!

Terus kalo temennya nungguin kelamaan kasian, kalo aku nunggu sampe kering kerontang enggak apa-apa? Nice. Cukup tau, thank you very much.

Tiba-tiba gue inget, dulu nih duluuuu banget waktu awal pacaran, si Koko pernah bilang gini ke gue:

"Kalo aku sih, kalo aku disuruh milih antara kerjaan sama kamu, aku pasti pilih kamu. Toh aku kerja juga buat kamu sayang."

5 years latter: BULLSHIT.

"Don't believe every promise that happy person made." my advice for all of you.

Di setiap hubungan pasi ada masalah, dan malasah gue hari ini adalah: gue merasa sudah nggak terlalu penting lagi buat doi. Sekaran giliran gue, is it worth the pain?

Let me add one Point minus for my fiance (but he is not categorized as suck people, at least not yet)

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Suck People #1

Life is suck, I would say...

Ok, banyak yang lebih menderita dan lebih nggak beruntung dari gue. I knew it. But still, I feel my life is suck. Let me start from where it's begin....

It was 2010 and I was 16 when I lost my one and only dad. Well, kita nggak begitu deket, tapi pas doi meninggal it hit me right in the feels. Ungkapan di lirik lagu Passenger Let Her Go, "You will only miss the sun when it's start to snow" itu bener banget. He's my sun, always fight for me, ad now I'm fighting alone...

Waktu itu nyokap syok berat, she was changing. She took everything seriously. Dia selalu khawatir sama apa kata orang. Dia selalu khawatir kalau kalau dia nggak bisa ngasi makan ketiga anakanya. Nggak bisa biayain hidup ketiga anaknya. FYI, gue punya dua adik, cowo-cewe. I will talk about them latter on.
Sejak saat itu gue juga mulai berubah 180 derajat: Gue yang awalnya selalu ceria mulai menutup diri dengan alasan I didn't want they pity me. They don't need to know my tears, I have to stay strong for my mom. It was my first thoughts.
I did everything I can to help her. I never demand her anything. I did what she wanted me to do. Put her first before anything, even before my own will. I mean she is the last parent I have,
Tahun pertama, it was hard but everything is just fine. I can handle my feelings, I'm still grateful about my life. Kami nggak hidup berkekurangan, bahkan sampai sekarang, gue masih bisa makan setiap hari, masih punya rumah.

Tahun selanjutnya, gue lulus SMA. Gue kepingin kuliah arsitektur. Gue mati-matian cari beasiswa, biar nyokap nggak keberatan keluarin biaya kuliah. Akhirnya dapet, gue dapet full scholarship selama 4 tahun kuliah di salah satu Universitas Swasta di Semarang. Puji Tuhan. Tapi bukan di bidang yang gue harapkan. Bidang yang sama sekali gue nggak kenal. Tapi gue minat-minatin. Demi beasiswa, I will try to love what I do.
Pagi-siang kuliah, siang-sore bantu nyokap kerja (nyokap punya usaha pengrajin papan tulis), malem-pagi ngerjain tugas kuliah. I never complain. I need to stay strong for my family. I did everything I can do.
But expecting is my sin and regret is my punishment. Gue berharap beban nyokap agak berkurang karena nggak harus biayain gue kuliah, tapi ternyata dia tetep merasa terbebani dengan pengeluaran bulanan dan pekerjaan rumah. I decided to help her in house keeping. Pagi-siang kuliah, siang-sore bantuin nyokap kerja, sore-malem ngurus rumah, malem-subuh bikin tugas kuliah. I need to keep strong for my family. I didn't tell anyone about my struggle.
One day, nyokap ngeluh pesanan papan tulisnya sepi. I thought hard how to help her a bit, gue inget kalo temen kuliah ada yang punya toko alat tulis. Iseng-iseng gue tawarin papan tulis. Aaannndd.. it works. Toko temen gue mulai pesan papan tulis ke nyokap. And again, I expect too much. Gue berharap nyokap jadi dapet kerjaan dan nggak sedih lagi. But, lagi-lagi reaksinya mengecewakan.
Doi ngedumel lagi karena nggak ada yang bantuin dia bikin pesanan (gue lagi sibuk skripsi waktu itu). Wutt? Hello? Niat hati bantuin diem-diem biar kaya super hero... tapi ternyata usaha gue lagi-lagi tidak membuahkan hasil yang diharapkan.
I feel like a shit daughter but hell I don't care. I'm done with her attitude. Selama wakti ini (sekitar 3.5 tahun kuliah) gue merasa kalau apapun usaha yang gue lakuin buat nyokap, seolah nggak berarti. I helped her, but it seems never enough. Gue juga sakit, gue juga berkorban, tapi sikap dan tutur katanya seolah berkata bahwa ia berjuang sendirian. Gue coba sabar. Maybe she just tired (like I'm not? Me too.. but.. yeah, let it be).

Baru-baru ini gue lulus kuliah, gue langsung cari kerjaan yang kira-kira cukup untuk kebutuhan bulanan dan masih ada sisa untuk ditabung. And I got one. Perkerjaan ini mengharuskan gue untuk pulang diatas jam 6 setiap harinya . Jadi otomatis, rutinitas membantu orang tua gue sudah hilang dari muka bumi. Tapi tetep gue masih ambil bagian di pekerjaan rumah. Setelah pulang kerja, gue beberes rumah. Setelah itu baru istirahat. Sebulan pertama it was soooo fine. I got my salary and it was so delightful.

Until now, biasanya gue yang bantuin nyokap jadi adik-adik gue tinggal santai-santai aja di rumah. Sekarang gue kerja, mereka yang gantiin gue bantuin usaha nyokap setelah pulang sekolah (kasian si pasti capek, gue juga capek dulu). Ini nih jadi masalah, karena gue jarang dirumah otomatis gue bakal dapet jatah bantuin yang paling sedikit. Nah sekarang setiap hari nyokap ngomel karena nggak ada yang bantuin dengan senang hati lagi, adik-adik gue belum terbiasa bantuin jadi masih sambil ngedumel juga bantuinnya. Gue jadi dicap anak perawan paling males serumah (katanya). Note: I'm 21 now and yeah I'm still virgin.

Kembali ke laptop,
Gue selalu bangun paling siang (karena gue selalu pulang paling malem setelah kerja)
Gue nggak pernah bantuin usaha nyokap (karena gue bekerja)
Gue selalu nglakuin tugas bersih-bersih rumah terlambat (karena gue bekerja)

Ok let me revise my opening sentence. My life is not suck, people in my life are. So if you somehow know me, I'm not as though as you think, I'm not as happy as u think, but still I'm grateful of suck peoples around me.

This make me think, apa gue sebegitunya membebani keluarga ini? Apa mending gue pindah aja sekalian dari rumah, toh juga gue nggak pernah dihargai. I want to know, how much she will miss me. Or maybe she wont.

That's suck people #1
Leave a comment if you have a different point of view, as anon is okay. What makes you comfortable with. I'm looking forward for your thoughts!

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